FUN STUFF ABOUT ROTTWEILERS

ROTTWEILER FUN

Max and the Ball - This story is special to me because it was written about a rottweiler named Max. Though not written about my dog, it describes his personality and his worship of tennis balls to a T. The only part of the story that doesn't fit is the water. My Max LOVES the water, 2nd only to the ball...

Jesus Is Watching You...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his Sack, a strange,disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Free Puppy!

My neighbor has a rottweiler puppy he's giving away FREE! It's house broken, and great with kids. He's giving it away because his wife says the dog 'stares' at her when she is undressing, and that it gives her the creeps. Personally, I think she is just weird!

If you're interested in adopting the dog, or know someone who is, let me know.

Here's a picture of the dog.

The Purina Diet

I used to have a Rottweiler. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(???). On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was by now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I was in the hospital because I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

Clever Chihuahua

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular rottweiler speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um? well, I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the rottweiler's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is a Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Rottweiler and says...

"Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Dont Mess With Cuddles

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged rottweiler named Cuddles along for company.

One day the rottweiler starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a young leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old rottweiler thinks, "Uh oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old rottweiler exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old rottweiler nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old rottweiler sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old rottweiler sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old rottweiler says:

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! B.S. and brilliance only come with age and experience!